Retired and Single, but not by choice

Many of us will be single as we age.

There are lots of reasons. Demographics show that it is primarily women who are reaching their late 80’s and 90’s. Another point is that life expectancy is somewhat greater for women than men to start with. If women marry men who are older, as is fairly common, and these men die at a fairly average age, women are left alone for a great number of years after their death.

So being single and retired is not a rare occurrence, but in fact quite common. This is in direct contrast to the advertising of mature lifestyles, which is predominantly focused on couples.

It can be challenging when couples have planned their retirement together and then one partner becomes sick and dies. To follow their old plan may seem hollow and meaningless for the person, as all the anticipated joy cannot be shared. Loss takes a period of adjustment and reevaluation. The remaining partner needs to rekindle their old interests, or develop new ones.

Negative emotions such as anger may also be present, as the remaining spouse feels gypped out of the great plans they may have had. Doing them alone may be an option, and some may do so, while others want to find something completely different.

If this is your situation, be kind to yourself. Recognize that it might take a radical action for you to move on and figure out what you want to do.

M.