A new book Parenting Your Parents, by Bart Mindszenthy and Michael Gordon, cite an Ipsos Reid poll that found 36% of boomers had discussed long term care for their parents. The rest of us have not.
As my mom has been in care for 13 years, I know it can be a long and difficult process.
There were dozens of indications that she was losing touch with reality. For example, she didn't think it strange when she was brought home by the "nice RCMP officer who speaks French and has three kids" after she was found wandering around a shopping mall parking lot. Some kind person had cared for her.
Losing memory gradually can be insidious because the day to day changes are subtle. Often it's only when someone comes to visit who hasn't been there for a while that the difference becomes palpable.
Dangerous circumstances include leaving on a front burner for hours, or not remembering to take care of security. Opening doors to strangers would be an example. Driving can become a concern as well, as response times are longer, and vision not quite as sharp.
Discussing long-term care is challenging because no-one wants to lose their independence. Take the time to do an assessment of your parents capabilities.
Offer to do one thing that might alleviate concerns, such as getting a joint bank account so you could pay their bills and keep the house running if necessary.
My mom was not paying her bills - always saying she would do it tomorrow.
It's a journey we all must take.
M.
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