Many of us will be single as we age.
There are lots of reasons. Demographics show that it is primarily women who are reaching their late 80’s and 90’s. Another point is that life expectancy is somewhat greater for women than men to start with. If women marry men who are older, as is fairly common, and these men die at a fairly average age, women are left alone for a great number of years after their death.
So being single and retired is not a rare occurrence, but in fact quite common. This is in direct contrast to the advertising of mature lifestyles, which is predominantly focused on couples.
It can be challenging when couples have planned their retirement together and then one partner becomes sick and dies. To follow their old plan may seem hollow and meaningless for the person, as all the anticipated joy cannot be shared. Loss takes a period of adjustment and reevaluation. The remaining partner needs to rekindle their old interests, or develop new ones.
Negative emotions such as anger may also be present, as the remaining spouse feels gypped out of the great plans they may have had. Doing them alone may be an option, and some may do so, while others want to find something completely different.
If this is your situation, be kind to yourself. Recognize that it might take a radical action for you to move on and figure out what you want to do.
M.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Single Women and Retirement
Being single and retired has its benefits and challenges.
On the plus side, single, divorced, and widowed people now have all the freedom they would ever imagine. They can do what they want, when they want and with whom.
The downside of a single life is that there may not be built in socialization. With no daily contact with people from work, stronger networks and activities need to be planned. Doing a variety of activities, some by yourself and others in groups needs to be considered.
That being said, many many divorced or widowed people, primarily women, never want to marry again. In our generation of males there are still some who have never done homework or cooked very much at all. The prospect of having to cook three meals a day, take over cleaning and shopping responsibilities is completely unappealing. These women want to retire from housework!
More on this tomorrow.
M.
On the plus side, single, divorced, and widowed people now have all the freedom they would ever imagine. They can do what they want, when they want and with whom.
The downside of a single life is that there may not be built in socialization. With no daily contact with people from work, stronger networks and activities need to be planned. Doing a variety of activities, some by yourself and others in groups needs to be considered.
That being said, many many divorced or widowed people, primarily women, never want to marry again. In our generation of males there are still some who have never done homework or cooked very much at all. The prospect of having to cook three meals a day, take over cleaning and shopping responsibilities is completely unappealing. These women want to retire from housework!
More on this tomorrow.
M.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
No-Go’s
Hi:
This is the stage where life really does slow down. It would ideally be for most in the late 80’s and 90’s, at this point, some assisted living is required. Footing is unsteady so help bathing is appreciated.
Cooking can become a chore and unless there is some other intervention, often becomes sandwiches and tea, or other easy-to-prepare meals.
At this age few are still out there mowing their lawns and doing major physical activities. Many have moved to condominiums or to congregate care.
In congregate care facilities people may rent or buy a one or two bedroom suite. Upscale facilities have elegant dining rooms with a chef cooking three meals a day. If you own, included in maintenance fees are usually a number of dinners a month.
Others prefer a package which includes all meals, house cleaning, laundry and some social activities. This is not inexpensive, as the costs can go up to $3,000 to $5,000 a month. It works for many though, as they retain their independence and can just enjoy life.
The concept of “aging-in-place” deserves some consideration. The premise is that it becomes difficult to move as you become elderly. Your lack of familiarity with where you live and where things are can be problematic, especially for those with short-term memory loss.
The solution to this problem is to help parents move to a facility that has several levels of care. This should be done when they are still mentally active and capable. At this point they will identify with their new home and establish connections.
If, a few years later, their health starts to fail, more assistance can be organized. Of course this costs. For example, one care aide might be shared by four people. She (usually) would help people get dressed in the morning, help with bathing, ensure the proper medications were taken, and generally assist. This is a great help because the care aide has daily contact and is aware of the individual’s status.
The level of care can be monitored and increased without the upheaval of a move. In my opinion it is a reasonable option to consider.
This is the stage where life really does slow down. It would ideally be for most in the late 80’s and 90’s, at this point, some assisted living is required. Footing is unsteady so help bathing is appreciated.
Cooking can become a chore and unless there is some other intervention, often becomes sandwiches and tea, or other easy-to-prepare meals.
At this age few are still out there mowing their lawns and doing major physical activities. Many have moved to condominiums or to congregate care.
In congregate care facilities people may rent or buy a one or two bedroom suite. Upscale facilities have elegant dining rooms with a chef cooking three meals a day. If you own, included in maintenance fees are usually a number of dinners a month.
Others prefer a package which includes all meals, house cleaning, laundry and some social activities. This is not inexpensive, as the costs can go up to $3,000 to $5,000 a month. It works for many though, as they retain their independence and can just enjoy life.
The concept of “aging-in-place” deserves some consideration. The premise is that it becomes difficult to move as you become elderly. Your lack of familiarity with where you live and where things are can be problematic, especially for those with short-term memory loss.
The solution to this problem is to help parents move to a facility that has several levels of care. This should be done when they are still mentally active and capable. At this point they will identify with their new home and establish connections.
If, a few years later, their health starts to fail, more assistance can be organized. Of course this costs. For example, one care aide might be shared by four people. She (usually) would help people get dressed in the morning, help with bathing, ensure the proper medications were taken, and generally assist. This is a great help because the care aide has daily contact and is aware of the individual’s status.
The level of care can be monitored and increased without the upheaval of a move. In my opinion it is a reasonable option to consider.
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